207

So a week ago whilst digging around in my lappy bag I found an old CD containing a bunch of files dating back to circa aught two and even before.  (NO!  Surely not!  No one was alive back then!)  Many of these artifacts are so ancient I can no longer open them – anyone remember clarisworks? My computer doesn’t.  But I was able to open a few of my old screenplays and, whoooooooboy.  I know many people out there thought For Catherine was too wordy (and it was) but, man, you should see the shit I rejected.  Actually, for the most part, you shouldn’t.  No one should.

One of the most interesting finds was the Deadpool movie I wrote, which I’d actually forgotten I did until Craig reminded me about it a month or so back as we discussed the new Wolverine movie and the fact that a Deadpool flick has been greenlit.  I was so.  Damn.  Far.  Ahead of my time.

Anyway, so I decided to read it and it’s not great.  The first half is really quite crap but some stuff in the last act or so made me chuckle and so I thought some of you might get a bit of a laugh out of seeing a couple of my earliest pages.  Deadpool was the second screenplay I ever wrote and – until I went and rocked spec scripts for 30 Rock and Psych just this year – remained the only time I’d written other peoples characters.  So, yeah, anywho, here’s a couple of screencaps of pages that made me laugh.  I’m quite sure this is the last you’ll see of my Deadpool work,  so soak it in like Chinease rain…whatever the fuck that means.

These pages fall fairly deep in the story where Deadpool, a hired killer, bassically, is trying to turn his life around and be a better person…maybe even a hero.  *wipes away a single tear*

I’m sure Weasel meant to say “You’re” absolutely right, and we’re missing some commas but my slender grasp on the English language was even more emaciated back in the day.  Also I never really edited this thing…

At the time I don’t think I even realized the irony of throwing the french word “cliche” in there right after talking shit about France.  Also at the time I had a real beef against France and for the life of me I don’t think I knew why.  That Bob Barker line kills me to this day, though.  Maybe it’s just me…

Then we skip ahead a few pages and they’re still talking about the same thing.  But it’s still kind of amusing.  To me at least.  I’ll say this, though, you’ll likely never see a superhero movie with more jawing about inane shit.

Good times.  Also, apparently Deadpool didn’t need to become a hero to get Arquette to stop making movies, it seems to have come to pass just fine all on it’s own.

And, since I’m cleaning out the proverbial closet, I thought I might also share a single page from the “207″ script which, after HUGE overhauls went on to become a little moving picture I call “For Catherine.”

This page comes to us after the brilliently originally named “Ethan” character had been caught in a bit of a love triangle.  Dun dun dun!

I might use that fucking like rabbits bit again at some point.

So, yeah.  There that is.  Thanks for tripping down memory lane with me sirs and madams.  I hope you’ve enjoyed your time in the way-back machine.  You are now free to move about the cabin.

Until next time, heroes, get a beverage of your choice and forget not (ne obliviscaris for all the Campbells out there.)

E

Rich people die unhappy, that’s what Daddy said…