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So, anyone do anything really stupid this week?  I did!  Tuesday around three o’clock in the AM I get a message from my good friend Josephine who, it turned out, wasn’t having a great day.  Pretty much in jest I say to him, “wanna come over and shoot tequila?  It’ll cure what ails ya.”  And he says, “No tequila…but I have beer!”  And I’m thinking, right on, I like beer.  I could drink with him a little.  And then Josie says “…power hour?”

For those of you who don’t know a power hour is where you take a shot of beer once a minute for an hour.  A 12 oz bottle holds roughly eight shots, that translates to right at seven and a half bottles of beer in an hour.  For those still having trouble with the math, a power hour is a REALLY bad idea.

It’s a bad idea if your 21 and in college but he and I are both 27 these days and far too old for such shenanigans.

So, me, possessing all of this knowledge in conjunction with the knowledge that it is, as I said, three AM said, “Hell yeah, power hour!”

So Joey comes over and we start timing our drinking based on his phone, setting an alarm to go off every minute.  But the alarm is really loud and my filthy-assistant is asleep in the other room, so after about ten or fifteen minutes of this we decide to call up a flash clock on the compy and go by that.  But we couldn’t remember how many minutes we’d been doing it, so we just started over.

It was pretty awesome.

We then argued for about an hour about where in Asheville the JCC is located.  We were gonna drive over there so I could prove his ass wrong but then it turned out we were both wicked, wicked drunk so we called it up on Google Maps.

I am still unconvinced.

The next day around 5:30 PM I get a text from him.  All it says is “Hung-the-fuck-over.”

In related news it turns out that I am a much better wasted-Tiger-Woods player than. Josie.

Good times.

If anyone else has really dumb/awesome stories from the week i am all ears.

Get a beverage of your choice and, if it’s Icehouse, don’t drink seven and a half in an hour.  And if you do, I had nothing to do with it.

E

Spend it all today and we will bill ya tomorrow

This is a short one, guys. I was scanning the headlines at nytimes.com and saw this wondeful photograph with the caption: “Michael Rasmussen, in yellow, looked set to win the Tour de France but was kicked out of the race Wednesday for violating a team rule, a spokesman for his team said.”

I think the picture is pretty funny on it’s own, but if you want to write what you think the people in the photograph are saying, feel free.

Later in the article there’s a picture of Rasmussen, which I think makes it evident that the guy’s on all sorts of drugs.

To read the actual article click here

You wish you had my elevated levels of testosterone, don’t you?
-Christopher

So the comments work again after several months of, well, not.

In the course of fixing the comments i seem to have completely eradicated the picture atop the page but fuck it, right?  You all know what we look like.

Anyway, just wanted to mention that.  Hopefully there will be a new picture coming soon, but as to what exactly the definition of “soon” is, well, that shit is anyones guess.

Get a beverage of your choice and, for once, just focus on the libation, sirs and madams.

E

For anyone who cares, here are some of the pertinent statistics about the new script.

GENERAL STATISTICS

Number of words: 21,460
Number of paragraphs: 3,181

ELEMENT STATISTICS

Element    Number    Percentage

General    0    0%
Scene Heading    56    1%
Action    381    27%
Character    1318    7%
Parenthetical    70    0%
Dialogue    1345    62%
Transition    11    0%
Shot    0    0%

PROFANITY
This profanity report should be used as a general guide to the profanity content of your script. Some of the items in this report may not be actual profanity and other real instances in your script may have been missed.

“Ass”  (6 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
24, 34, 76, 80, 82, 96
It is spoken by the following characters:
MARCUS, SCOURGE

“Bitch”  (4 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
14, 54, 56, 75
It is spoken by the following characters:
MARCUS, SCOURGE

“Bullshit”  (1 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
12
It is spoken by the following characters:
MARCUS

“Crap”  (2 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
17, 91
It is spoken by the following characters:
STEVEN

“Damn”  (14 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
4, 15, 21, 22, 28, 32, 36, 43, 60, 70, 96, 127
It is spoken by the following characters:
JD, MARCUS, SCOURGE, VERY LARGE MAN

“Dick”  (3 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
72, 89, 90
It is spoken by the following characters:
JD, SCOURGE

“Fuck”  (34 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
7, 9, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 43, 60, 65, 66, 67, 68, 70, 71, 91, 92, 95, 116, 117, 118, 124, 128
It is spoken by the following characters:
ALYSSA, JD, MARCUS, SCOURGE, STEVEN

“Fucked”  (5 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
33, 56, 124
It is spoken by the following characters:
MARCUS

“Fucking”  (19 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
2, 7, 22, 24, 28, 35, 50, 55, 56, 60, 67, 70, 94, 108
It is spoken by the following characters:
MARCUS, SCOURGE, STEVEN

“Piss”  (1 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
113
It is spoken by the following characters:
MARCUS

“Pissed”  (13 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
1, 20, 21, 29, 43, 60, 74, 95, 111, 113, 114, 125
It is spoken by the following characters:
JD, MARCUS, SCOURGE, VERY LARGE MAN

“Shit”  (22 occurrences)
It appears on the following pages:
10, 17, 22, 25, 32, 34, 39, 42, 47, 49, 55, 60, 70, 77, 92, 113, 114, 118, 121, 126
It is spoken by the following characters:
BLAKE, DRIVER, JD, MARCUS, SCOURGE, STEVEN

Good times.

Get a beverage of your choice while i wash my mouth out with soap.

E

we can sing just like our fathersÂ

I forgot to mention in yesterdays updates that the lovely and uber-talented Nikki Talley who plays “Michelle” in “For Catherine” recently won the American Idolesque “Carolina Star” competition down here in Ashvegas. She outsang the rest of the state and for those of us who have seen her perform this is very, very easy to believe. So many congratulations to her.

If you’d like to learn more about her you can find her myspace page right-the-hell-here and you can go over here to purchase her new CD, which is something i HIGHLY recommend. She kicks vast amounts of ass. That she does. Well struck, Nikki.

Get a beverage of your choice and listen to some killer tunes,

E

I’ve been taking these pills to help me sleep lately. Prescription pills given to me by my lovely assistant the name of which I can’t recall. Anyway, I’ve been taking these pills and it just took me seven tries to get out of the bathroom.

I’m just saying.

This whole typing thing may work and it may not. Who the hell even knows?

Anyway, so I’m coming back after a couple of days off with some big stuff, guns blazing and whatnot. Updates and shit.

I was going through some old files over the weekend and found a story I wrote about the couch-burninating scene in For Catherine so I made a page for it and if you haven’t checked that shit out yet, well, I can’t recommend it highly enough. It’s long but it’s, you know, yet another window into the mind of E, and how the hell could a body pass that up? You just can’t. Not with a clear conscience.

In all seriousness, if you’re at all interested in the process of making For Catherine, this is a pretty good window into it written by me while still very much in the throws of the thing.

Other happenings: over at our on-the real site I have five or six short film scripts I’ve made available for anyone to make free-for-nothing and I’ve just this moment added a new one. So if you like to make movies but you’re looking for a script, head on over there, you may find something you like. The newest one is called “Crashing” and I think it’s pretty good, really. And, as always, if you just wanna read them, there they are. Enjoy.

CORRECTION: turns out i jumped the gun a bit on “Crashing” and Trav still wants to make it someday, so it’s been removed from the list, anyone who already grabbed it, please don’t actually make it.  But if you do i’m not, like, gonna sue or anything. 

Next up, many of you know that Grant and I are international rap-stars having made a Halo rap song about two years ago that has been downloaded, I’m not joking, over a million times. There are at least a dozen fan-made videos of this song. The thing has been a ridiculous success. What you might not know is that thanks to my lovely drug-dealing assistant a myspace page for our “band” now exists and can be found here. Feel free to add us as friends if the mood strikes you, though I highly doubt there will ever be a second coming of the Conspiracy of Geeks, you just never know.

And lastly, tonight I bested Bookworm Adventures which is a super awesome game and I highly encourage you all to go over here, download the free demo and play the shit right out of it.

In this game one defeats ones enemies by spelling words using 14 randomized letters. Last nights lexiconical triumph can be seen below.

That’s it for me, quite an update I feel. Hope you’re all kicking ass and, well, just generally kicking ass.

Get a beverage of your choice and go read my beautiful words

E

Wait…What?  I’m whoring for someone else?

The end is truly near.

But i believe in Indie film.  It’s more true, though, to say that i want to believe in indie film.  But most everything i see makes me ill.  I’m not trying to be a snob about this, but i can’t find myself connected to the culture in any palpable way because 90% of the indie i see sucks like a bad prostitute on too many Quaalude’s.
But the movie i’m about to whore for, “Four Eyed Monsters” is a very good movie.

It’s experimental and artsy in ways that might scare a lot of you and in ways that might make others of you fall in love.  It’s the kind of thing i want to see more of.  I want to see genuine, heartfelt and, yeah, quirky, quality films from people outside the studio system.  I like this movie very much and it is helping to restore my faith in what indie can be and that’s why we’re talking about it right now.

That and the fact that by sharing this i have a chance to help these cats out a bit.

Let me make it clear that i don’t know these fine ladies and gentlemen.  I’ve never met them, probably couldn’t pick them out of a line-up, but they made a good movie and that makes us brothers.

They have put their entire movie up on that crazy You-Tube for you to watch free-for nothing.  If you can spare 70 minutes of your life (and i KNOW you can) then give it to them.  Then, if you would be so kind, run over to a place called Spout dot com and spend ten more seconds signing up for them.  They have a deal worked out with that site wherein Spout gives these guys a dollar toward their debt of 100,000 dollars for every person who joins.  So, you know, fuck it, even if you don’t watch the movie join the damn site and help them out.

I know what it means to go into debt for your movie and i know the kind of suck that can bring about so as a favor to me, please run over there and help these kids get moving toward a new flick.

Feel free, also, to grab a DVD while you’re over at their site.  I did and am happier for it.
Get a beverage of your choice and support the shit out of some talented cats.

E