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My fellow Americans, let it be noted that when I say the word “Americans” I do not mean it in the limiting “United States denizen” way, which greatly aggravates the two billion people living in North and South America who also consider themselves American. No. I’m including everyone in the Western Hemisphere (except whatever part of Antarctica technically counts– no offense, of course, to the many Antarcticans that may be reading this). When I say Americans, I mean all the people of North America: the Guatemalans, the Mexicans, the Panamanians, even the Canadians. When I say Americans, I also mean all the people of South American: the Brazilians, the Argentines, the Uruguayans and Paraguayans, and whatever the people are called that live in French Guiana (Guinea Pigs?).

My fellow Americans, we’ve endured a lot in the last seven years that I don’t need to repeat. Why belabor the fact that Bush is an idiot? Why make one more joke about him having an IQ written in decimal points? Why say time after time that regime change starts at home? It’s repetitious. It’s redundant. It’s saying the same thing again and again. And again.

And again.

This is a time for action. As the great Ethan Hunter says, this is a time for heroes. Enough of the in fighting within progressive political parties; we must unify. And I say to you today that I will be that unifier. That’s right. As of today, Sunday February 18, 2007, I, Christopher Arbor, am announcing my candidacy for the President of the Americas. Again, I’m not limiting my scope to the United States. I want to be the president of the entire western hemisphere (except that aforementioned section of Antarctica).

Stay tuned for campaign updates over the course of the next twenty months.

You want me to be your president, don’t you?

Our good friend Matty, the super-talent whom you all may remember as “Cell Phone Dude” from For Catherine has taken it upon himself to render us as super heroes. Well, Grant is more an evil nemesis of mine but that’s just true to life.

Trav as the Punisher:

Me as Daredevil:

and G as Bullseye:

And here’s a look at his process.

Pretty damn badass if i do say so myself.

Get a beverage of your choice and go save the world or you know, kill all my girlfriends if you’re Grant.

E

i think sometimes it’s dangerous that we take ourselves so serious

So…lost, right?

I gave it up. Much like women who change their hair colour as often as they change their mind or Tim Burton movies i gave it up. I went cold turkey about a year ago.

But let’s go back a little further.

See, when the first season became available on DVD i picked it up. It was much ballyhooed and I can tolerate being out of the cultural loop for only so long.

I don’t know how guilty I’ve ever been of having my finger on the pulse of whatever, but I try to be at least conversational in as many of the topics of the day as I can be, if only so I can properly make fun of them. If only so I can force myself to talk about something other than how good looking I am. And if the topic is entertainment-centric, well, hell, I’ve got to be there.

I devoured the first season like a ravenous raptor of justice, like it was a Black Angus steak and cheese from Quiznos (so tasty) and was frustrated as much as I wasn’t, but i pressed on. In this regard it was much like almost all of my relationships. When the second season aired i watched the first five or six episodes as they came to me and, when each and every one of them managed to end in the exact same spot-right where they should have begun-right in that damn hatch-and we all knew it was Desmond down there I mean, COME ON- i threw up my hands. I was done. I was rid of it and glad to be. I have enough soap opera in my own life I don’t need to watch Guiding Light and I don’t need to watch the unholy child born of The Young and the Restless and freaking Gilligan’s Island.

But then it happened. Mr. Brian K. Vaughan, an enormously talented and enormously kind man who said some very sweet things about our little moving picture announced that he would be joining the writing staff of the show.

And I was like, “Fuck. Really?”

Mr. Vaughan in only a few short years has established himself as, in a word, reallyfriggin’awesome. As a dude whose education revolved around the supposedly great writers I place BKV up there with Dante, Dylan Thomas and Adam Duritz. And, not for nothing, but Dante never took time out of his life to sit down and watch For Catherine. I’m just saying.

So it was an easy decision to start watching the show again. Where I got hung up was do I want to just jump back in a season and a half removed or do I want to catch up? I decided anything worth doing is worth doing right so I gritted my teeth and borrowed the second season from my friend and editor Mr. Evan Schafer. Or “Rodge” as I like to call him.

I decided this was like tearing off a band aid or getting into freezing water, it’s best to just do it and have it done. So I watched all of season two in about two days.

And I was in, man. Or at least in enough. I mean, if BKV wants to go ahead and have his first act as writer to be giving Claire and her stupid-ass baby some kind of horrible, gruesome, drawn out death, I’ll be okay with that.

And if Charlie could be so upset about it he guts himself but not before taking out Locke that would be okay, too. But I was in.

I then tripped over to ABC dot com and watched the six episodes that have aired this season and I was still pretty much in. In enough to have had at least four hours worth of conversation with Xoph-daddy about it. And that’s the real draw, right? Sitting around and dissecting what a dozen guys in a room in Santa Monica are thinking. I really only care about a few characters on the show at this point, but I’m interested enough to see where things go.

Not only because the fun, as Xoph pointed out, is being dragged forward but because where things go are now, at least partially, in the hands of one hell of a scribe.

It’s tough to discuss this openly not only because I feel more than a little like I’m at an AA meeting but also because I don’t want to offer up any spoilers for those who wait for DVD or are just a little behind.

So I guess I’ll stop and just say that the show returns tomorrow and though I don’t actually know when BKV’s episodes start, I’m sure it’ll be obvious in as much as Jack will now have a sense of humor.

So congratulations Mr. Vaughan on getting a job I’d probably commit several felonies to have, and I look very much forward to where you go from here.

And seriously, keep that Claire/baby death thing in mind.

Get a beverage of your choice and dig on some damn fine writings to come, Wed. at 10:00.

E

Here to save your life

There’s an e-mail i need to write.  There’s a phone call i need to make.  There’s a continent i need to reach and i’ve left it alone until now.  Until now i was just trying to be polite.  And it was right to do so.  But now, as January walks away like a stripper with too few dollar bills in her G-string and February stares at me like a Bouncer ready to scream, “Do something!” my mouse hovers over the “reply” button for minutes and minutes, for entire songs screaming “did you think that you were dreaming?”  And nothing happens.  Eventually I click over here and write a blog about it.

Adam Duritz screams “So?  I just want it to come true.”

And what would Batman do?

I think Batman would reply today.

And i think, “It’s time to wake up, E.  This isn’t a nightmare.  You really are a filmmaker.”

Pick up the phone Europe, lets start talking again, because that’s what Batman would do.

Get a beverage of your choice and do something that scares you today,

E

believe in me