Universal Monsters

August 18th, 2010

About eight months ago I wrote two an a half pages of…nothing in particular.  Of bullshit.  I was just bored and I had a pen and a pad.  I was “sketching with words” as my dad used to say.

I called those two pages, “Universal Monsters.”

They look like this:

Universal Monsters Page 1

Now, for whatever reason, I’ve decided to turn those two pages into a book.  Ish.

Maybe?

I’m going to try to write and release a few pages a week and just see what happens.  See if I enjoy it, see if people respond, see if I figure out where the story is going because, at the moment, I have no fucking clue.  Just…see.

The first piece may be found here.

The second entry lives here.

I have no idea how this will go.  Should be fun.  Ish.

Maybe?

Get a beverage of your choice and follow along if you like,

E

That Supreme Court Look

May 10th, 2010

Am I the only one who is at least a little concerned that the president seems to be nominating British comedian David Mitchell to the Supreme Court?

supreme_court_smaller

Concerned though I may be, I stand by the president on this decision. Not just because I am totally smitten with the guy, but also because with the nomination of Elena Kagan he has once again done the unimaginable: he has made The Court funny.

The man is a damn genius.

Alternately, Jon Lovitz also works for this joke, but not quite as well, I feel.

Either way, to my mind this is the greatest bit of look alikeyness since that tiki torch that looked just like Mickey Rourke.

Also, if you aren’t watching Mr. Mitchell’s show, you’re only harming yourself.

Get a beverage of your choice and that’s numberwang!

E

come sunrise…

Stoopcast 21: Horror Stories or Holy Crap I’m Old!

April 21st, 2010

What the what!?!

A new Stoopcast appears! Sorta. Stoopcast, light, I guess you could call it.

Stoopcast 21: Horror Stories or Holy Crap I’m Old!

Wherein a hero is left alone to ponder the terror that walks among us. And decides he will love life even if it kills him.

As always you can download it or subscribe to the iTunes feed here. And if you’re already subscribed then it’s probably in your podcast folder thingy already.

Hope you dig it, kids. I’ll see you again in two years!

Get a beverage of your choice and choose to be awesome,

E
E
Lie to me…

Stemage is Curing Cancer and I am Momentarily Helping People Avoid Boredom

February 4th, 2010

Two quick hits for you all tonight. Mr. Grant “Stemage” Henry has contributed a truly kickass track to the “Songs for the Cure ‘10″ compilation CD. 100% of the proceeds from sales of this record go to The American Cancer Society. A ten dollar donation gets you a digital download of the CD and twenty-five bucks gets you a physical CD in the mail. I don’t know a single person who hasn’t in some way been touched (and well and truly pissed off) by cancer and this is a great way to help in the fight and get some sweet tunes simultaneously, and at the same time, too!

I’ve heard the song Stem recorded for the compilation and it’s fantastic. Six minutes of instrumental genius that take you through serenity, into rock, and then into a little more rock. It starts you out in the Shire, walks you into Mordor and kinda leaves you there, but it totally destroys the one ring so it’s okay. His song alone is well-wroth the donation but I’m told there are other songs on the CD as well. I’m proud as punch of my boy G for helping out with this and was all too happy to throw down my monies and I hope some of you will see your way to dropping a little coin on this outstanding cause as well. If the CD isn’t enough incentive I’ll give a free For Catherine DVD to the first fifty people who forward me their receipt showing they donated twenty-five dollars or more. Go here to donate and go right on over here to read what Grant has to say about it.

In other news, my beloved little moving-picture For Catherine will be playing at The Browncoat Pub and Theatre in Wilmington, NC this Friday and Saturday (February 5th and 6th) as part of the Guerilla Film Series. The movie starts at 8 PM and tickets are only five dollars. If your in the area you should totally check it out. It’s a really cool film series highlighting micro-budget cinema and they have beer there. If you’d like any more information check out the theatre’s website above or write me up and I’ll help in whatever way I can.

Get a beverage of your choice and do something fine,

E
So much to be and nothing to do…

Bring on the Awesome

December 28th, 2009

It is tradition that around this time each year, as new beginnings near, I reach forth my arm and with a steady, strong hand firmly press the stirring rhetoric button. And this year is no different. So hold on to you knickers, kids, we’re at full-tilt-boogey.

In just a few days we will exit what Time magazine dubbed, “The Decade From Hell” and while it’s hard to argue that some truly awful shit has gone down, it’s also hard to argue, I feel, that life is pretty flippin’ sweet.

Looking back over the past decade I fell in love once, got my heart broken twice, broke more hearts than I care to think about, wrote a book, made a movie that has screened on every continent but Antarctica (and at this rate Antarctica won’t be there much longer so fuck it, right?) graduated college, made a ton of AMAZING friends, spent an evening with Kevin Smith drinking nine dollar New Castles, shared a few beers with Butch Walker, Josh Joplin and Angie Aparo, picked up a hitchhiker, totaled a car, became good friends with not one but two strippers, lost a brother and my father, gained two brothers and a sister and the cutest little crime-fighting nephew ever, got a little praise from Brian K. Motherfucking Vaughan, laughed my ass off in both oceans, campaigned for and helped elect the first African American President of these United States, watched about 2,000 episodes of The Late Show with David Letterman, saw the Counting Crows live in concert about a half dozen times, walked away from a feature film seven days before shooting because it was the right thing to do, almost got in a fistfight in the bahamas, won a bunch of awards, got told a dozen times or so that I suck and should never be allowed to make movies, co-hosted a podcast, wrote, like, fifteen screenplays and, like, fifteen-hundred blogs, apologized, at least once, to everyone I know, appeared on a nationally televised teen soap, spent about a year as a homeless person, got asked to act in a porn, turned that down, wrote a one-shot comic book, started a bi-weekly comic strip with Xoph, toasted at five or six weddings, ate some stuff and this is just what I can think of off the top of my head.

Yeah, there’s some really, really shitty stuff in there, and some really, really shitty stuff that I didn’t mention, but all in, not bad work for a decade, I feel. And I hope as you all look over your last ten years you see that you found awesome and hope and greatness almost daily. And I hope I was some tiny, tiny part of some of that good stuff.

But, beyond than this, I hope you see that more than standing at the end of a crippled decade we are standing at the beginning of a year and a decade and a future that can be anything.

I have no idea what the future will bring, but I plan to dig the hell out of every moment. I have no idea where I will even be living this time next month, but I plan on kicking ass while I’m there.

The future is wide and mysterious and entirely ours. Yours and mine.

Bring on the awesome.

Get a beverage of your choice and move the world,

E

Yes, I still love you but it’s okay…

The Way We Almost Were

December 21st, 2009

So I’ve been digging, ladies and gentlemen. Oh yes, I have been digging. Digging through the ashes and bones and sometimes literal garbage of my past lives. I have been doing this not to remember or to forget, but just to get away. It’s a whole thing and I don’t really want to go into it. If you follow me on twitter (and what the unholy fuck is wrong with you if you don’t?) then you’ve heard about this and you’ve heard some of the songs I’ve discovered from days long gone and best remembered only now and then. For example, I’m currently listening to Biff Naked as I type this. Anyone remember that chick? Craxy, right? Wonder what she’s doing right now.

Anyway.

I’ve probably got a whole blog of songs that got me here somewhere inside of me but that’s not what this is. This is something far more embarrassing. And don’t ever say I love me more than I love each of you, because I’m gonna look, at least mostly, like a fool by the end of this blog. Because tonight, just a few hours ago, really, I came across a list of possible titles for my first moving-picture, “For Catherine.”

Some of you may know this and others may not, but FC was originally titled simply, “207.” Then I went and changed just about every word of that script and it no longer seemed to fit for whatever reason. The title that I went with ended up coming simply from the dedication page. The title page to my script was ripped off and so whenever I looked at my script the first thing I saw was, “For Catherine.” And, eventually, it just stuck.

Before it stuck, though, I used to make lists every few weeks of possible titles. The list I’ve just found is mostly comprised of stolen lyrics from Counting Crows songs and I have no defense for that. So…yeah. For those of you who never liked the title of my movie, and I’ve heard from several of you, read this and bear in mind it could have been much worse.

Here we go:

The Way Things Be in 207 (Note: It gets even worse)
Everyday Regrets
Walkaways
Citizen Duo
207 Kids
Greenlit Cigarettes
Why the Clash is the Most Underrated Band in the History of Music (Note: Actually I love this title. It’s just that I’m the only one. I’ve tried to give three or four projects this name and, dammit, it’s gonna stick one day.)
If We Were Silver
Barely Out of Tuesday
Certain Seasons
Just a Girl
Fade Out
Colours Start to Fade
Seasons in a Letter
Left in a Letter
Black and Blue
Here Until You Leave
Familiar Positions
Toxicity
The Goodnight Girl
Down
Redemption in Reverse

So…yeah.

In my defense these lists were meant to be stream of consciousness sketches and that. Still…wow.

Anyway, thought some of you might enjoy that.

Get a beverage of your choice and if you can’t laugh at yourself, laugh at me,

E


never pay the reaper with love only…

Fuck the Yankees

November 7th, 2009

My friend Evan the Editor or, as I call him, “Rodge,” called me up tonight and I found one of our exchanges funny enough to share with you all.

Ev: So…baseball…
Me: Fuck the Yankees!
Ev: Fuck em! Twenty-seven World Series wins.
Me: Yeah, and how many in our lifetime?
Ev: I’m not sure.
Me: I’m trying to remember all the years I’ve been depressed.
Ev: They’ve won the last 29 years in a row?
Me: …
Me: I hate you so much.

Also, we came up with a new T shirt design. It’s just a plain shirt and says across the chest “Football is like the Yankees: Fuck em.”

The shirt doesn’t make complete sense but I’m okay with that.

Get a beverage of your choice and enjoy your weekend, kids,

E
my hopeless dream…

Beauty is Truth, Truth Beauty

October 16th, 2009

There’s something fascinating about journalists. Something strangely glamorous and maybe just a tad, just a wee bit, delectable. Maybe because we see them so rarely these days. They seem mythic. Like bigfoot only less fuzzy. Like a hydra only much scarier if you’re doing shit you shouldn’t oughtta.

Maybe because the idea, if not the practice, is truth. And maybe that’s just me, I don’t know, but the idea of journalism to me is truth distilled, laser guided and fearless. Truth like you mean it. Truth with a kiss sometimes, sometimes with a bullet. The idea is truth and so the idea is holy.

And maybe it’s just me, but we never see that these days. Journalists have been replaced with fear mongers and hate mongers and various other mongers. (Monger is a fun word) By Glenn Becks and Bill O’Reilys. Sensationalism and exploitation is a lot more profitable than verisimilitude, it seems. And, if you listen to these unbelievable, unbearable fucks, profit is patriotism. Freedom is in the dollar, freedom is in the lie. A real American HATES.

Which is completely fucked but if I dig any further into this trench I may never find my way back to my point.

It is due, in part, to my fascination with the idea of a stone journalist that Transmetropolitan sits atop my list of greatest comics of all time. And I could talk for days, seriously, about Transmet. I even included a reference to it both in my first movie and in my toast at Xoph Daddy’s wedding. And if you ever meet me on the street and ask me what the finest moment in comic book history is, I’ll tell you it’s when Spider Jerusalem put on a shirt. But inside the blacker than pitch tone and cybernetic enhancements of Transmet, it’s the hope that makes it brilliant. It’s the humanity that makes it burn.

Transmet is genius.

But more than hope through gritted teeth these days what i want to see is hope inside open arms. More than the corrupt being taught a lesson with a bowel disruptor I want to see them taught a lesson with a defibrillator. These people have hearts, too. Even Glenn Beck inside the fear and the flab and the lies and the hate and the tears and the bullshit, somewhere in there, I have to believe, is a heart. Maybe he just need a jump-start.

Which brings me to DMZ.

I read the first trade of DMZ a few nights ago and I fell in love, much the way I fell in love with the likes of Y the Last Man and Kabuki. Hard and at first sight.

In DMZ we see a New York through the lens of a young, neophyte journalist. And what we see, for those of us who’ve been lucky enough to get that city, the city, under our feet is at once a New York we’ve never dreamed of and the New York we’ve known all our lives.

Brian Wood’s New York is war-torn and savage, broken and kind, suspicious and receptive, innocent and experienced, feared and all but abandoned by the outside world and still the crossroads of the universe. A New York that refuses to die or even bend under skies raining smartbombs and daisycutters. A New York of communities that care for their denizens as best they know how. A New York that protects its own. A New York that is enigmatic and as much completely separate as it is completely central to a nation.

And that’s the genius of the book. The genius is New York. The genius is the greatest city in the world through the lens of an outsider swaddled by people who just won’t die, who refuse not to flourish. Swaddled by New Yorkers.

At least that’s the genius of the first six issues. I’m told there are more.

Speaking of New York, falling hardcore, head over heals, retarded in love and genius, I think I’ve found the woman I’m going to marry.

Oh, sure, I foresee some complications, like the fact that we’ve never met and she almost surely has no idea who I am, but I’ve chosen to view these things as minor inconveniences. I’ve chosen not to let this define our relationship.

Anyway, her name is Susan Enan and, holy-shit-on-a-pogo-stick is she good.

I know that many if not most of the people who read my stuff prefer that their music sound more like Armageddon than salvation, but I think many of you might make exceptions for beauty on this kind of scale. Artistry like a cannon. Grace like a whisper.

I picked up her record on Amazon a couple of weeks ago and I haven’t stopped spinning it since. Her piano smokes with a soft, caring tone, her words are immaculate, surgical and towering, she has a voice like redemption and when she breathes, more than sings, certain words like “despair” it may be the sexiest sound in the whole of the world.

I fear that if I keep praising her in the manifold ways she deserves I might end up sounding more like a stalker than I’m comfortable with, so I’ll just link you to all kinds of places to hear and purchase her music and hope you find the same kind of deliverance in her voice, the same kind of calming sorrow in her words and the same joy in her instrument as I have.

Get a beverage of your choice and remember that music can still surprise you,

E

cling to what you treasure, and treasure what you hold…

Mickey Torch

October 3rd, 2009

So I tweeted about this yesterday, but this was such a seminal discovery for me I wanted to make sure it was saved for posterity so I’m also blogging about it.

Lets set the stage. It was early afternoon and I was enjoying a cup of green tea at Poops new apartment when I looked out onto her deck and saw that not only was it adorned with tiki torches, but that one of these torches looked EXACTLY like Mickey Rourke. It was stunning. Concussive. So awesome I’m considering starting a whole new blog called Tiki Torches that Look Like Scary Celebrities. It helped, I suppose, that the torch was hammered, half blind from syphilis and stumbled into a tree while I was watching it.

I may have made that last part up.

Anyway, for those who don’t follow my tweets, and, really, what the fuck is wrong with you if you don’t? Are you opposed to hilarity and awesome? Anyway, for those who don’t follow here is the picture.

mickey_tiki

I assure you this picture is unaffected. That mane, I suppose, was once its wick. Whatever the case, that tiki dude was awesome in The Pope of Greenwich Village.

I also want to mention briefly that The Cutting Room, the webcomic I have started doing with my mail man has received a bit of a face lift and I encourage you all to check it out. I’m particularly proud of the Jennifer’s Body and Julie and Julia comics.

Get a beverage of your choice and please don’t set Mickey Rourke’s head on fire,

E

I’m made of wonderful, I’m all easy breath and steady walk…

Bromance Languages

September 15th, 2009

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted here, but I was reminded of something I meant to do months ago. You see, my wife and I watched the movie I Love You, Man just last night. It was surprisingly good, I thought. Extraordinarily funny at points yet with a few moments of genuine pathos. At one point Jason Segel’s character delivers a toast recommending to the girlfriend of Paul Rudd’s character that she perform fellatio more often. And that’s not the funny part. That’s the pathos.

The movie is clearly a bromance, which I can totally get behind. For far too long, heterosexual dudes have repressed their platonic love for one another, and I say it needs to end. Check it: Ethan and I are a solid example of macho brotherly love. We met under the auspices of studying Emily Dickens. Then we secretly discussed Deadpool. Then—the inevitable cataclysmic fallout in all Bromantic Comedies—we accidentally shot each other several times in the face with shotguns while defending a large Mexican villa from Martian Invaders that looked surprisingly like Adam Duritz. Then, after we turned off the Nintendo, we made up and made out—in the most plutonic of make out sessions ever. You can’t make stuff like that up.

Anyway, the toast in I Love You, Man reminded me of a toast that this man I love delivered almost a year ago at my wedding, and I think it’s too damn genius to keep off the interwebs. As per usual with Ethan, it’s sometimes hard to hear what he’s saying over the raucous laughter that surrounds him. Also, if the shot ever seems to be out of focus, that’s because the camera was crying tears of joy. Watch it. Love it. Love the E.

Also, our latest venture, a webcomic has just been updated. So check it out right over here.

You wish you were getting married so that E could deliver a speech, don’t you?
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